I don’t quite know how to put words to the thoughts and feelings i feel for my mother, but i think it is worth giving it a crack, since love is ultimately all we have to give in this life.
My mother is an amazing woman and if you’re reading this Mum i hope this warms your heart with pride as mine does every time i think of you.
My mother is 19 years older than me, meaning obviously, she gave birth to me when she was 19 years old. At the time of writing this i am 26 and now with a few more years on this planet than she had when i popped out, can appreciate how truly hard it must have been to raise me and my siblings.
A woman who from a young age essentially raised and looked after her two younger siblings. My grandmother was a single mum, with the granddad having taken off, and as such worked full-time to support my mum and two aunties. This means my mother became a mother hen at a very young age. Cooking and cleaning and getting the other two to school years before she should have had to, all the while coping with not having a father around must have been tough and i now being aware of this truly appreciate the amazing woman she is.
Then having a son at 19 (me) and 3 children by 23 must have been hard. Never having the opportunity to go to university (we lived in an isolated mining town) or pursue her own dreams was not fair, but she still provided us children with food, shelter, everything we needed as well as more love than i could have hoped for. This hasn’t gone unnoticed to me, all of it. I suppose this is why my mum fostered a strong belief in living life to the fullest and to go travel, live over seas and see the world and do all the things she couldn’t or did not have the chance to do. I will be forever thankful for all of this.
I have perhaps in the past been harsh on mum for the things she didn’t do, or the mistakes she made, as all mothers do. But, i have learnt that, as i now judge her as an equal, i have long forgiven those mistakes. I can see even in myself that none of us are perfect and most are doing our best.
One of the things i am most proud of, is ironically something i was previously most disappointed in. Is that my mum had the strength and self love to end a bad relationship with my father and move on to build a happy life. I of course at the time was sad and didn’t understand it, but now know, life is to short to live in an unhappy relationship and be miserable when you need not be. Seeing my mum make the hardest decision of her life and build a new life inspires me everyday. Risks and showing yourself self-love is important, she took one and in my eyes it was absolutely worth it. Both my mum and dad are now much happier people. So, mum i want you to know im proud of you.
My mother laughs and smiles every time she see’s me, perhaps because i am hilarious, perhaps just because of the wonderful temperament she has, i don’t know. But she never ceases to surprise me with the amount of love she has for me. My mother never has expectations of me, my mother never makes me feel bad or guilty for anything i do or do not do, my mother is always, always happy to see me and brings positivity and light into my life, and for this i am thankful. She provides me with input if she thinks i am doing something wrong, but never harshly or with judgement. Throughout my young adult life she has given me the space to figure out life for myself and to make my own mistakes and grow as a young man. For this again i am grateful, i truly believe this has enabled our relationship and connection to grow stronger and for me to respect her, as i hope she respects me as a man and equal.
Most of all i proud to say that my mother is my friend as well as my mum and that i know she is always there for me no matter what. I know she is there if i need someone to laugh at my jokes or to hear me spill my heart with anything on my mind or just to have a shoulder to cry on.
Anyway, this is just a little piece of my heart that i will leave here. As you never know, tomorrow could be the end for me, or the end for my mother and i would rather have things not be left unsaid.
I love you mum, i am proud to be your son and i hope this makes you smile.